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A short exploration of early transition anxieties by @RiotJayne_, with music by @gas1312_AGD, and made for the trans-positive #JamForLeelah game jam.

Warning: contains transphobic and transmisogynistic content.

Made in RPG Maker VX Ace.

100% of the money raised between Jan - May '15 was donated to trans-specific charities, as listed on the jam homepage. Continued support goes to the creator.

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TranxietyV2_2.exe 40 MB

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(+1)

To be honest, i'd love to see this turn into something a little larger! 

I can understand why it's pretty short, though. It's a short game built for a gamejam, so there's not a huge timeslot to fill due to deadlines, and it's tougher to focus on multiple things. While all the things said, and that happen, ARE real things that happened, i feel like it'd have been really neat it if it more focused on the psychological side of things. However, in this kinda timeslot, that'd be tough. There's only one real part where you're outside, and it's gotta dig the real transphobia [and not just the internal judgement/anxiety] in SOMEhow, but in this kinda timeslot it's hard to focus on multiple things. Btw by psychological i more meant like these kinds of things; Are they judging me? Why are they looking at me? Are they looking at me? Do i not look good enough? 

And those kinds of thoughts, mixed in with the things that actually happen to create that tipping point where it's just... too much. Like... when you're in a shopping mall or something, not EVERYONE will comment on it. They usually won't have the balls. It's psychological. You feel like everyone's staring at you. I get that myself already, and i'm not even transitioning. And it'd have been awesome and even more meaningful to me to see a little more of that public anxiety represented!

Overall though, i'd love to see this turn into a more fleshed out story! See her find friends she deserves, people that care about her, see her struggle in different situations but come out of it stronger- like getting a job, or trying to socialise more, etc etc. I wanna see her evolve and grow! And getting to see her change slowly over the game would be a huge feelsgood moment, and a really impressive piece of visual storytelling overall.

But for what it was, this was a cute- if heart-sinking- neat little experience that hit closer to home than it really had any right to. Well done, and thank you for making this. <333

Thanks so much for the kind words, I know what you mean, and like you said it was partly/mostly the fact that I was under a time crunch. The psychological side of it was something I went much further into in Binary Distortion, but that's a very different style of game. Still, check it out if you're interested.

As for a more satisfying / hopeful ending, when I made this I didn't see much hope for anything, really, as sad as that might sound in retrospect, I wasn't in a place where I could see things changing for me, so the game ends where I was at, nowhere, with the crushing reality of it all sitting on my shoulders - nowhere to go and no-one to turn to. It's a slice of life and life was feelsbad, but that wasn't the end of the story and it would be nice to get a chance to explore how all that changed as time went on and transition took hold. I've considered deving about it, but it's just so exhausting honestly and a lot of that I've put behind me, it would be painful to relive it in order to flesh it out into a more cohesive narrative. 

That being said, I'm always working on stuff, and maybe if the mood strikes I'll be able to reflect on the good aspects on transition as well, because there are a lot of them when all is said and done, even if it didn't feel there ever would be. Life is long and things change and it would be satisfying to explore that in a project.  

Thanks again for the interest, it's always awesome to hear what people think of the little things I put out <3