Burn. Pulse. Detach.
Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, Violence, Cheating, Relationship Shit, Trans Shit, Some Sexual Shit, Light D/s, Self-Harm, etc. You've been warned.
Burn Pulse Detach is a project written over a couple of years, in bits and pieces, and finally stitched together to form the project above, reflections on disjointed chaotic jumbles of potentially disordered/non-neurotypical thoughts, usually stemming from moments of emotional extremity. It's an exploration of my own personal experience with Borderline Personality Disorder, and how it specifically affected my romantic relationships/ friendships/ and views of myself. None of it should be taken as representative of my actual everyday views regarding any of the topics covered. I do not condone the actions presented, I do not justify the actions presented, I simply present them for what they are.
Much has been cut out for obviously personal reasons, much remains, enough for it to be hopefully cohesive. BPD affects every person differently, and the experiences expressed above should not be seen as standard BPD behavior. Also, a lot of what makes BPD difficult to decipher is the difference between BPD behavior and neurotypical behavior, so some may seem perfectly logical. Who knows. That's the kicker. Still figuring this shit out.
Dedicated to Molly.
Ahem. The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
Comments
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I have no words for this. It was a great read, and so much more.
this really really hurt. reading this, I wasn't expecting to relate so well. this "burn, pulse, detach" thing feels so right to apply to myself. I try not to do things to hurt people, but somehow I end up hurt myself and then doing or saying something or other to hurt someone. reading the section of promising forever especially hit deep. my ex always promised me she'd love me forever and I promised the same, but I ultimately drove her away. I messed up really badly, but there isn't anything I can do since we stopped talking and she cut off our mutuals. I've started trying to work on myself! so I hope this doesn't happen again. but yeah. relatable story. hurt a lot. that means it was well written and everything. I wish the best to the maker and anybody who played through this with someone in mind.
I dont have twitter (cause, yeah lol) so Im leaving a comment because I really wanted to let you know how much of a fan I am of your games!!! Theyre always so well crafted and engaging, I have never experienced anything like them.
Thank you so much moemoe, means the world <3
I made an acc just to say thank you for posting this - I didn't get a proper diagnosis before Covid, but this is...really helpful to read - it's a surreal experience to try and put any of this into words; bits of this are like reading someone explain my own behaviour back to me in a way I've never seen before?
I'm glad it was helpful in some way. I've gone seeking content about BPD a lot, and when I came up empty I figured it was important to try and share some of my own experiences, even if the lens is fairly limited in regards to romantic relationships in particular. Glad it resonated, and that you finally have a diagnosis so can start piecing together how it impacts your life and move towards recovery. Thanks for sharing, it means a lot. Best of luck with everything <3